Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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