I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
