Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
