dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
