Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
