Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
