walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
