just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
