Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
