Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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