Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
