I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
