he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
