Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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