How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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