Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
