Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
