So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Randomize
