I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
