no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
