it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
