i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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