her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Less talking, more tequila
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize