True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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