i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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