I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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