I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
