Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
