Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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