listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
