But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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