Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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