just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
