Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize