I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
