The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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