I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My breasts were aching with rage.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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