i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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