come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize