my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
smell my finger.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
