Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
