Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
