He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
