...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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