Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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