you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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