It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i think im in europe. pls send help
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