So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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