He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He shit in the fireplace
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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