I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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