I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
