just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
