why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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