Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
