Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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