so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
