toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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