Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
