It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
