The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
