She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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