If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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