we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
