You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
