I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
