My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
