I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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