Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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