I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's blow job season.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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