He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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