sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
