If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
