I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when itβs pouring snow.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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