Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just google imaged poop.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
